I cannot believe I just said that.

I shared a heartfelt and very real sentiment this week.  It wasn't exactly the most appropriate time or place for such a sharing. But, out of my mouth it came, like a sneeze you can't control. There it was, spewing out into the otherwise efficient space.

And it sat there. Briefly.  Awkwardly.  I panicked for a moment. ( I cannot believe I just said that.)

But then,
 a kindness was shown.
Another perspective was shared.

A perspective I really needed to hear.
A perspective with great potential to change my perspective.

These weren't the exact words, but the message was clear.

Don't rob others from their journey just because their  journey is hard.  Be supportive, be there, but don't rescue. It cheats the rescuee. It is their journey, not yours.


( But wait, but wait, I think everything is about me!
                                                              Fine. I'll think about it.)

I am so grateful that the universe always provides people to provide lessons-  just say the magic word... help.

Luckie me :)

we all know too much about everything instantly

The world seems to be getting scarier every day.  The thing is I can't tell if it is really scarier or it just seems scarier because we all know too much about everything instantly.  Either way I guess, scary is scary- climate change, ebola, cyber hackers, school shootings,  etc. etc.  All the large scale apocalyptic threats are overwhelming especially when discussed 24 hours a day and interspersed with the real life, those much more personal and actual, threats and tragedies of an individual experience. 

So, what to do? What to do?


I have given this a lot of thought.  Actually, an immense amount of thought and energy and dreaming and intention has gone into the "what to do?" question.

And I have decided.

The thing to do is snuggle up.

Snuggle up to those you love. Hold them tight. Say sweet things. Remind them they are loved. I mean really SNUGGLE UP.

Oh, pshaw, the nay sayers will say. Pshaw the snuggle theory!  (Note to self- get the updated lingo for naysayers) :)

But, here is the truth, behind the theory.

I have never regretted a single snuggle (that safe space of warmth and comfort and love).  
I have known many a worried heart that has been eased through a snuggle.
We all know people who need more snuggling.
 We all know way too much-not snuggling would be silly.
And, dammit, we may not be able to control asteroids and zombies (or the reality of illness or accident) but we can control the intensity and voraciousness of our snuggles.


Luckie me-my theories all have practical (and lovely) applications.

Pottsgrove Peeps

The past week has had a lot of good byes. Many have been really hard. So as I transition to a new job, I have taken time to take stock of all I have learned over the past five plus years.  (This, to be perfectly honest, is my big cope.)

While here, I have learned that.... ( in no particular order)

educators work really hard 

many kids have difficult lives 

performance art is not loved by all, but everyone participates because they want to be cool :)

holding the hand of someone going through something terrible is sometimes the best thing to do 

many of the people doing the very best work shun the spotlight, they just work hard and get stuff done, never forgetting that the kids are why we do what we do- I see you! 

ladders and heels don't mix 

( seriously there are rules about this and also about using chairs as ladders- who knew?)

IEP Online can be painful

lunches on Friday are special

honest conversations are sometimes no fun, but necessary

make it a game and you will be so happy to see who plays

no one (not the wee one nor the grown) wakes up in the morning and hopes that today will be the day that they will fail, that they will  disappoint, or that they will be less than what everyone hopes

adults are often a whole lot of no fun, but everyone likes to get a surprise!

small wins count 

taking yourself too seriously is silly- there will always be someone smarter or more dedicated

a kind word makes a difference

seeing the potential and speaking it out loud changes things

having amazing people around you makes the day amazing (even when it appears to be not amazing)

people who love you will put up with a lot of nonsense ( performance art, one million things lost, pedometer challenges, garish decor, consistent lateness, interesting food tastings and the occasional curse word are just a few examples)

sparkle really is my favorite color

the following things really suck- accidents, cancer, child abuse, drug addiction, really mean people, and a bunch of other real life stuff

volunteers are sometimes the difference between its going to happen and its totally not going to happen (thank you volunteers!)

ESY is super fun

I can do more than I thought I could- but I am not the person you want in charge in a real emergency (I scare easily and I hate anything that may or may not be blood)

nicknames can be funny

choose your seat carefully in meetings

those who are under the willow tree love that they are under the willow tree and will always meet me there

sometimes you need to help people learn how to hug, sometimes you need to learn to keep your cards close

real friends will tell you when you have something in your teeth, your hair, or your nose

telling people you love them is important

budgets are real

there is a difference between hearing and listening

community counts

sometimes the toughest lessons are the ones I need to learn the most

____________________

I am a luckie luckie girl. All along my life's path, I seem to find the very best people.  I know I have found many of them here. 

Thank you for teaching me to be a better person and educator.  I will miss you. I wish each of you all the best- being here was an everyday blessing to me.

Imperfect vignettes

 I have a large worn, brown spot on a little hill in my yard.  It has been created by the kids next door and their new obsession with baseball.  My little hill, it seems, is a perfect home base. I freaking love that spot.  It is evidence of play and dirt and triumph. I freaking love that spot in the sea of green lawn. It is the perfect mess of well-lived days.

------
Many years ago, I bought an old rocker. It is well worn on the sides; creaky and wide.  Whenever I sit in it, I put my hands on the worn spots and rock away.  CREAK CREAK CREAK. I would never refinish it. I would never change the screws. That rocker brings me peace. It has the mojo of an object well-loved.

-----------
I have a belly cut in half by a long scar and covered in stretch marks. I would considerate it "that part" on my body best left to itself, out of the light of day.  But lately, I have been thinking, that belly brought me my children, I survived and thrived after the big scar incident, and my belly is rotund from the abundance I have been blessed with to date.  (Hot damn.  I think I love that belly.)
---------
A dear friend and I were wandering in a store last weekend and happened upon a sign.
"Life doesn't have to be perfect to be wonderful."

What a lovely lesson.

I have decided.
 I don't want to miss all the wonderful moments
waiting for the perfect moments.
 ( In this world, there are far too many moments that are sadly neither.)

I want to awkwardly dance to great music and laugh as I lose at pool!

Luckie me-
Life doesn't have to be perfect to be wonderful.

Luckie me-wonderful imperfections abound.

Carolina farmhouse

I had past the house,
Only twice before.

Alone and peeling,
standing in the tobacco field.

It struck me as a bit sad each time.
unloved by family and weather-
overseeing a crop that was destined
for weathered lips and worn out lungs.

But then I saw it in the Carolina spring.
Its paint peels were curls of feathered lead.
The field was a riot of purple blooms-
tickling the foundation.
And the pillar that held the front porch had collapsed.

The house was smiling in its grand fade.

The acceptance was joyful.

hello and welcome green creepers and morning glories.
hello and welcome little critters who play at twilight on my crooked grin.

do not feel sad passerby,
I am returning to the sweet dark smelling earth
to begin again.

Gobblers on the Green

Driving down Route 80 yesterday as the sun set, I spotted up ahead a small hillside where the snow had melted. There was a patch of green and brown amidst the never ending sea of white and gray.

As we got closer, I saw that it was teeming with animals- a whole flock of turkeys were scratching the ground and goofing around together.  They looked like they were having a party! Two small deer watched on the edge- little wallflowers looking enviously at the green dance floor.

It was a lovely sight (Oh Spring how we will appreciate your blooms and colors this year!)

Thank you gobblers on the green for the gentle reminder to celebrate the changing seasons.  I am so grateful for the opportunity to once again discover all that has been slumbering these long months -

tucked under Mother Nature's thick white quilt.